News Item: Family’s feral cats keep neighborhood wildlife on high alert for muggings & stabbings

Keeping pace with departed Luke’s hunting track-record, the Miramar Times will be reporting that Boo-Boo Tail and Mean-Pea mugged a baby Green Heron tonight in Southwest Broward County. The victim, found nearly unconscious, and bleeding from multiple stab wounds had been dragged from the waters edge and onto the back door mat of a residence in Silverlakes by being pulled through a small pet door opening of a screened pool patio enclosure. Alarmed residents of the home rushed the stricken victim to the emergency animal hospital, located in the bathtub of their first floor bathroom.

When shown mug shots of the 6 feline residents currently living in the household, the injured bird was able to lift a damaged wing to point at the two alleged assailants. Boo-Boo and Mean-Pea were quickly rounded up and detained without incident as they callously never actually left the scene of the crime in an apparent act of defiance against civil society. Both were arraigned this evening, scolded harshly, and cited on numerous charges, including aggravated assault, commission of a crime with deadly and concealed weapons, and a misdemeanor for hissing at law enforcement professionals. Both were released on surety bonds to their parents as they await trial. In the event that the victim should die from mortal wounds suffered during the attack, both will be charged with felony murder as adults and be punished with additional scolding, and possible de-clawing depending upon jury recommendations.